So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
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Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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