Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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