Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles