You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.