Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it

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  (202): Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it http://tfl.nu/1l0l
  Replies (1) Good night (982) Bad night (872)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.

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  (425): There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason. http://tfl.nu/skwm
  Replies (48) Good night (781) Bad night (3509)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.

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  (513): his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick. http://tfl.nu/h0yf
  Replies (18) Good night (1428) Bad night (5064)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards

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  (570): i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards http://tfl.nu/nrtg
  Replies (11) Good night (1086) Bad night (2953)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.

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  (401): Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world. http://tfl.nu/8eb4
  Replies (8) Good night (2872) Bad night (640)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.

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  (701): I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting. http://tfl.nu/1ezz
  Replies (13) Good night (1437) Bad night (1612)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Cute underage boy is in my house.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.

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  (610): Cute underage boy is in my house. (410): OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE. http://tfl.nu/uq1q
  Replies (13) Good night (1799) Bad night (659)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.

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  (520): Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday. http://tfl.nu/j22e
  Replies (7) Good night (1048) Bad night (680)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.

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  (727): OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP. http://tfl.nu/c6a1
  Replies (6) Good night (410) Bad night (784)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  How was it playing wingman?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed

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  (847): How was it playing wingman? (312): I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed http://tfl.nu/t31c
  Replies (3) Good night (1026) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night

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  (401): My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night http://tfl.nu/qfjr
  Replies (4) Good night (1473) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm about to be a big disappointment.

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  (405): Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake. (405): I'm about to be a big disappointment. http://tfl.nu/y7r2
  Replies (2) Good night (788) Bad night (428)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied

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  (919): We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied http://tfl.nu/gjsm
  Replies (0) Good night (1029) Bad night (348)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning

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  (949): Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning http://tfl.nu/fj52
  Replies (1) Good night (972) Bad night (350)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.

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  (804): Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69. http://tfl.nu/uhxb
  Replies (2) Good night (348) Bad night (171)

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