I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
