Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
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i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
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Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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