What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
