I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize