so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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