I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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