I want to stick my p in your. b.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
sex in a hospital.. check
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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