so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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