do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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