Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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