Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
