I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
