nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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