I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
