just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
