Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
