i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
