I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
