McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
