you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
