It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
