the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
