Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
