There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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