What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
