there's paper in my vomit.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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