I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
