How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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