i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
