her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
