I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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