What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
