I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
