Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
