You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
