Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
