matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
