at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
