I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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