apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
