why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
