1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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