i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
