The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
