she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
