Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
