How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
