You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize