At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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