you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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