you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
that may or may not have been my penis.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
