Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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