so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
