Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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