homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
