I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
