you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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