So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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