I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
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There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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