and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
