I'm so fucking centered right now
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
