what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
