also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
