you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
cat food counts as protein by the way
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
