i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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