On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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