I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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