Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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