this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
