I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
