What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
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We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
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I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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