my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
