would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
