Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
