Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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