Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
