It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
