We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
