I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
