This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
