You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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