The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
