i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
so much tequila, so little girl.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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