There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
